


Afar

by MariannaRC89



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Pining, Protective!Thomas, Romance, Thatseemstobemyfavoritetagever, butitscomplicated, domesticabuse, enamoured!thomas, fluffensues, frompiningtolovers, idealist!Newt, idealist!thomas, lowselfesteem!Newt, oncetheydo, peoplefallinginlovebecauseoftheothersideas, theboyshavebeeninloveforagesbuthaventtalked, willaddmoretagsaswegoalong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-19 10:32:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariannaRC89/pseuds/MariannaRC89
Summary: Thomas has always looked at Newt from afar, seeing him throw himself into the arms of people he doesn´t belong with. During a random party, he steps up for the blonde and gets to be close to him for the first time, learning that they have always watched each other longingly but from a careful distance.Will Newt´s ghost let them be together? Will Thomas be brave enough to fight for Newt?THIS FIC IS DEATH BECAUSE THE AUTHOR WAS LEFT WITH NO INSPIRATION TO KEEP WRITING. Thanks to everyone who read it though.





	1. Party gone amiss.

**Author's Note:**

> There is heavy mention of domestic abuse (of many a kind) through out the fic my friends, so be warned. 
> 
> What can I say? After watching "Red Nose Day Actually" I ended up listening too much to "Hotline Bling" and this idea came to me. I was originally going to write a soulmates AU but heck, the heart wants what the heart wants. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Thomas saw him from afar, like he always did, throwing himself at someone that didn’t love him, didn’t deserve him.  
  
The guy in turn was Gally, every girl’s dream boy with broad shoulders and ginger hair. An engineer. Not that he was into the ladies.  
  
That much was clear as he grabbed the hips of the boy Thomas had been pinning on for at least two years now. His name was Newton Isaacs, and because of his strange name he always went by Newt.  
  
He had first fallen for the boy when they had shared Administration class, in their first semester.  
  
And it hadn’t been his good looks. Or the way his hair was always disheveled but perfect, or the leather jacket that fitted his frame to perfection and he always carried, or the eyes that were a deeper brown than mahogany.  
  
No.  
  
It had been that every time he opened his mouth something incredibly thoughtful or insightful or intelligent had come out from it. Or the fact that when someone had made fun of his friend Chuck because of his weight he had shut them all up by giving them a little, fierce speech about self worth in a capitalist society.  
  
Thomas had fallen in love with Newt because he was like no one else he had ever met. Because behind his cool exterior his words betrayed kindness. Because there was a glint in his gaze which spoke of dept.  
  
But crap, did he have bad taste in men.  
  
In the time Thomas had looked at him from a distance, he had gone from Alby (who had been smooching girls and boys indiscriminately for as long as he had dated Newt, until one day he found out and all hell broke loose) to Gally (who had something that Thomas just didn’t like. He always seemed rough with the blonde? And that just rubbed the brunette the wrong way).  
  
Sometimes, Thomas just wanted to scream at him. That he was worth more than those two idiots made it seem. That he was intelligent and sharp and much better than his choices in mates showed. That he deserved to be loved, to have someone he could count on, someone who would take care of him, someone who could understand him. He wanted to shake him and tell him just how amazing he was. And then kiss him.  
  
But no. He couldn’t do that. Because Newt didn’t even know who he was. They had shared a class and that had been all. Ever since then their careers (Thomas was studying to become a Physicist, Newt was a Music Studies Mayor) had taken them different ways, setting them into environments and activities where they simply didn´t cross paths. Heck, the only places Thomas could indulge into his favorite activity of staring at the Brit were the library, where he could almost always find the blonde at night, reading something or another, or the cafeteria. But that last one hurt too much because he was always with his conquests and well, the brunette couldn’t stomach it half the time.  
  
Or at parties, like the one they were in now, where for one reason or another all people in Glade University were invited.  
  
“Pinning on Isaacs again?” Minho said, handing him a red cup that contained a blue liquid that Thomas knew was booze but didn’t even want to know the name of, it was so vile.  
  
“Am I so obvious?” He sighted. He knew that lying to his best friend was futile. He was the one person that always put up with him and his whining about Newt deserving better than what he got.  
  
“I still don’t understand why you just don’t go and talk to him shank” said Minho, making it sound incredibly easy “just go and tell him that you have been in love with his skinny ass for the past two years and then go down on him. I’m sure he’ll take you.”  
  
“Yeah and then I’ll have Gally kick my own skinny ass and die” he said, taking a sip of the blue liquid and finding it disgusting, but finishing it anyways. He needed to get the buzz of anxiety for Newt out of his brain and if alcohol made the trick, then so be it.  
  
Minho raised his eyebrows all the way to his hairline at his best friend’s actions, but chuckled in the end and said, “don’t be so dramatic Eddison, he wouldn’t kill you. Just permanently harm you”. He took the red cup from Thomas’ hands and then grabbed his shoulders saying behind his back “now let’s go get Brenda and Teresa and stop fixating over this guy okay?” as he guided him away from where he was standing.  
  
The last thing he saw was Gally pushing Newt a little back, gesturing at the blonde something that didn’t look very nice.  
  
The party was a usual college party. Drake was on the sound system, people played beer pong on one end, truth or dare on the other, and all around there were students getting wasted. Thomas realized he didn’t even know whose house was this, as Minho had brought him here to begin with.  
  
They found the girls standing just outside of the porch, holding red cups themselves, giggling uncontrollably. Yes, they were drunk alright.  
  
“So ladies. Guess where I just found our own Thomas Eddison?” Said Minho, interrupting the laughing fit.  
  
It took them a minute to compose themselves and it was Brenda who answered, her voice still full of humor “Staring at Newt?”  
  
And then they were both giggling again, only that this time Minho joined them. Thomas didn’t know what was so funny.  
  
“Seriously Tom” said Teresa, whipping her eyes clean from the tears that had formed there from laughing “just talk to him. He is a pretty accessible guy, you know? Your staring longingly at him is getting old. And God, please take him away from Gally. We all know he is not good for him.” she stopped abruptly, like she had just said something she shouldn’t.  
  
All laughing ceased between the four friends, as Thomas said “why is Gally not good for him?”  
  
Brenda and Teresa exchanged meaningful glances but right then and there, as on cue, Newt was exiting the house through the front doors, just steps away from where Thomas and the others were standing, screaming “....you are not going to put your ugly hands on me ever again you asshole”.  
  
Gally came right after him and grabbed his wrist forcefully, while Newt tried to wrestle his arm free. “You will learn to respect me you lying...”  
  
But he couldn’t finish his sentence for Thomas had punched him square in the right cheekbone.  
  
Thomas stumbled back, startled at his own actions. He didn’t know what had come over him. Was it instinct? All he knew was that he wasn’t going to let anyone hurt the blonde. Not even his own boyfriend.  
  
The ginger looked stunned for a minute, grabbing his cheek, but quickly recovered and lounged himself at Thomas, hitting him in the gut, making the brunette see stars of pain, all air leaving his lungs.  
  
He vaguely heard Newt yell “stop it!” before the blonde was in front of him, his body between him and Gally.  
  
“Move Newt” said the ginger, fuming, his arms tense, his hands balled into fists, his forehead full of sweat.  
  
Newt didn’t flinch.  
  
Minho entered the picture then, grabbing Gally’s arms from behind and hissing threateningly “either you stop this Galilei or I will call the cops”.  
  
Thomas, who was now crouched in the floor holding his stomach, trying to gulp air in, wondered what had taken his best friend so long.  
  
“What are you bothering me for Park? It’s your friend here who got into my business” Gally fought Minho but all those days at the gym finally paid off for the Asian man, who hold on to the bigger man’s frame without difficulty.  
  
Thomas had never been more grateful for his friend’s vanity.  
  
Teresa, ever brave, stood menacingly in front of Gally, and said, her voice fierce “it became everyone’s business when you started hitting Newt! Yes, we all know!”  
  
She turned around to look at the blonde, with whom she shared classes and was casually acquainted with, and said, her voice low and her expression apologetic “I’m sorry Newt but we all do.”  
  
Newt’s face fell, shame plastered in his features, twisting his eyebrows. He didn’t answer Teresa, and rather turned to glance at Thomas, who was still on the floor.  
  
“Are you okay Tommy?” He said, hovering over him, touching his back gently.  
  
Tommy? Thought Thomas in surprise. Where had that come from? As far as he knew Newt and him hadn’t even been properly introduced let alone gone into nickname territory.  
  
He didn’t have much time to think about it though, as just a second later Gally was finally freeing himself from Minho’s hands, and was walking past them towards the street, saying menacingly as he left “you and I are done Newton. And you Eddison, you will pay for this. I won´t forget”. And with that, he continued his path, getting into his car when he reached it and leaving, all the eyes of the party on him.

Eyes that immediately went to Newt, who had seen his now ex-boyfriend leave without uttering a word, a raging look on his face, his hand still on Thomas´ back.

Minho and Brenda came to their rescue, shouting casually to the people that were starting “Nothing to see here folks”, “Show is over, now go get wasted”, “Leave them alone”, while gesturing for them to go back to their own business. Which they did, after a little while that felt to Thomas like a decade.

Newt´s attention was on him again in a second, as he helped him to his feet and looked at his eyes worriedly. Eyes that the brunette hadn´t seen this close and which took his breath away, for the second time in the night. Teresa was at his other side suddenly, and together the blonde and his friend moved him to sit on a couch close by, the only furniture gracing the porch.

Thomas felt his head swoon as he sat down and he wasn’t sure if it was the punch he had received or that fact that Newt was holding his hand, was touching him, was near him, like he had imagined so many times futilely in his mind. The blonde looked in such a state of despair though that his happy thoughts went south quickly, and when he found his voice he said, completely ignoring that Teresa, Brenda and Minho where standing around him to see how he was feeling after the fight “Are you okay Newt?”

The blonde seemed to consider it for a minute, and then turned to look at him, his gaze meeting his eyes “That is not important. How are you feeling? Do you want us to take you to the ER? Can I get you anything?” But Minho was already handing the brunette another red cup. Thomas´ expression showed doubt but then his best friend said, “It´s only water dude, relax. I´ll get you booze later”.

Brenda hit Minho´s arm forcefully and then turned her eyes back to Thomas. The brunette took a gulp of water, and found that though he hurt, a lot, and his side was probably going to get bruised, he was breathing easier. “I´m fine guys” he said, with as much conviction as he could. And then he tried to stand up, but he fell back to the couch quickly, his hands on his stomach “But maybe I should go home and rest a bit” he finished, all of his friend´s eyes alarmed.

“I´ll take him” said Newt, his voice clipped “I can´t stay here anyways…obviously…” his face was pained and humiliation was written all over it. Thomas´ couldn´t fail to notice that he had yet to raise his gaze to see the others. The only person with whom he had locked eyes was with him.

“I´m sorry this happened Newt. I didn´t mean to say it like that in front of everybody, but we all know it anyways and I just couldn´t stand that asshole treating you like that and…I´m sorry. It wasn´t my place…” Teresa trailed off, and her voice was full of worry and guilt.

His gaze still lowered, Newt shook his perfect hair slightly “It´s okay Teresa. I know you meant well. It´s just… I mean... it is embarrassing enough when something like that happens to you and then you realize everybody knows…I just want to go home. I´ll take Tommy with me, and then I´ll feel a little less useless”.

In unison, Teresa´s, Brenda´s and Minho´s eyebrows went up, at the blonde using the endearment to refer to their friend. They didn´t say anything about it though, but when the Asian put Thomas´ arm around his shoulders, to lift him and take him to Newt´s car, he whispered mischievously “This might be the best thing that you ever did Shank. Use your opportunity well”.


	2. Midnight Confessions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late night conversations, some spontaneous confessions and the reason behind a nickname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My idealist tendencies show too much on this fic but particularly in this chapter. Bear with me folks, please. 
> 
> This is actually kinda fluffly. And the boys are just hopeless.

Thomas didn´t know what to say, as Newt drove, his eyes straight on the road, a wounded look on his face. He hadn´t said anything since they had left the party, which was roughly about 5 minutes ago. The brunette didn´t want to disturb the blonde, but his insides were churning with anxiety worse than his stomach was paining him. He had to say something, if only to make him feel better.

But then the blonde broke the silence on his own, even though his voice was raspy “You shouldn´t have done that, you fool. Gally could have really hurt you.” He spared a side-glance at Thomas, who tried to keep his own eyes on the road, for risk he might stare at the blonde too much if he didn´t. His own voice sounded unstable, but he didn´t care “But he didn´t, because you didn´t let him”.

These were the first words they had ever exchanged on their own, realized the brunette. He had never been this close to Newt, never spoke to him directly. But here he was, talking to him like it was no big deal. Even if his life had been all about trying to muster the courage to get close to him for the past two years. He understood, with a mixture of pride and satisfaction, that his foolish heart hadn´t been able to stand having the blonde treated badly for yet another time and had made the decision for him to stop it. Which in turned had given him a reason to get near Newt. Maybe Minho was right. This was his one chance.

He was pulled out of his musings by Newt´s British accent, which sounded even better up close, decided Thomas “Why did you do it Tommy?”

Now, the brunette couldn´t answer this without spilling his darkest secrets so he decided to counter the blonde´s question with one of his own, which was eating at his chest “Tommy? Why do you call me that? Newt, had we even spoke once before tonight?” It came out harsher than he intended and immediately regretted it, since the blonde´s voice was very low when he answered “No. We hadn´t. But that doesn´t mean I don’t know who you are”.

Thomas´ stomach was now both hurting him and filled with butterflies. He felt such commotion in his head that he couldn’t string two coherent thoughts together to answer Newt. So he stayed quiet. The blonde knew who he was? What was that supposed to mean? Maybe he knew he liked him, had caught him staring at him creepily in the library? Minho always said he was very obvious in his open gawking at the blonde. But then why hadn´t he spoken to him before? If only to tell him off?

“You haven´t answered me” whispered Newt, his tone still very quiet.

“Neither have you” countered Thomas. He wouldn’t lie to the blonde, he decided, so the next time he asked, if there was a next time, he would tell him the truth. Or as close to reality as he could without letting him know he was heavily infatuated by him. He would still do his best to avoid that moment though, for as long as possible.  
  
Newt didn’t seem like he was going to answer and Thomas began kicking himself mentally for spoiling everything so quickly, when his ears finally heard “I just don’t think your name suits you. Thomas. It’s so big and formal. But you are not. That’s why I call you Tommy. I feel it goes better with your personality... but you don’t seem to like it.”  
  
The brunette shook his head for a minute before saying, his voice full of pain he didn’t mean to let out “how could you know what goes better with my personality? You don’t know me”.  
  
The response that came from Newt’s mouth was not what Thomas had been expecting, and it threatened to take his breath away for the third time in the evening “I’ve been watching you”.  
  
There were goose bumps in his arms and then the brunette realized they were nearing his house, having followed the address he had given Newt to put on the navigation computer of his car. He almost wanted to die. The time he had spent with the blonde had not been nearly enough or what he had expected. And now there was this... confession? From Newt’s part and he wanted answers, but the blonde was probably just going to leave him in his porch and then...  
  
“Do you want me to come in with you? Help you? I mean if your mom or dad or girlfriend can do it I’ll just leave. I don’t want to bother you but after what you just did for me...” Newt’s voice had been tense all through his words, which had been said as if in the same breath.  
  
Thomas felt such relief that when he spoke his tone was light. Lighter than was appropriate probably “My mom is on a night shift and my dad has been gone since I was three so… I would really appreciate your help...also, no girlfriend” he thought he saw the apprehension on the blonde’s eyes ease a little but he didn’t let himself hope.  
  
“Stay there. I’ll help you out” said the Brit, getting out of his car and crossing the front of his vehicle easily so that he was opening Thomas’ door in no time. The brunette couldn’t do anything but follow him with his eyes, basking in actually having the blonde close enough to see the details that made him up. He had never noticed, for example, that his customary leather jacket had pins in it from different bands or how big were his hands.  
  
He gulped as inappropriate thoughts inundated his head and forced himself to remember a death fish he had seen once, to stop his body from betraying him.  
  
The hand of his dreams in front of his face brought him to reality, and he took it, feeling electricity at the touch. It was so real to him that he wondered how Newt looked so unaffected by it. And then remembered he was the one in love with the blonde. Not the other way around.  
  
As soon as he moved his side ached more. Newt put his arm around his waist gingerly to help him while the brunette grabbed the blonde’s shoulder for support.  
  
It hurt too much to feel anything other than pain, but still Thomas was eerily aware of how close he was to Newt.  
  
“Can you walk?” Said the blonde, his eyes again full of worry.  
  
Thomas just nodded, afraid of saying much, and motioned his head to indicate Newt to move into what had been his home for all his life.   
  
When they arrived at the front door he fumbled with the keys, his hands trembling. He didn’t know if from nervousness of being this close to the blonde or from pain or even from the blue liquid he had ingested earlier.  
  
Newt offered to help and finally they were inside, the warmth of his family house engulfing them. He sighted relief as the blonde sat him down on his favorite coach.   
  
Newt had left his side and was now looking into the insides of his fridge. Now that was a weird gesture, thought Thomas, until he saw the blonde returning with an ice pack.  
  
Taking the seat to his right, only inches away, Newt hesitated and then handed him the cold contraption. “Put this on your side. It will make you feel better”.

There was something sad about his tone that broke Thomas’ heart. Before he could prevent it, the words “have some practice with this huh?” had left his mouth.  
  
The blonde’s eyes went wide with a mixture of agony and embarrassment and he turned his head, as he stood up to leave.  
  
Thomas realized too late that his words had hurt the blonde and again, babbled without thinking “no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. Shit I’m an idiot. Don’t go, please Newt. I’m sorry”.  
  
Newt’s gaze bore into his for a moment and then, he lowered himself back on the coach, saying,  “I won’t go if you tell me why you hit Gally”.  
  
He was doomed, recognized the brunette, because there was no way he was going to get away with this one. He would have to tell the blonde a version of the truth. It was that or letting him leave and the second option just wasn’t a choice.  
  
So, he swallowed and said, “Because I wasn’t going to let anyone mistreat you.”  
  
It was a vague enough sentence so that it could be taken a number of different ways but still sang the truth of his heart.  
  
Newt’s eyes registered confusion but then he asked in a steady tone “and why is that?”  
  
But Thomas wasn’t going to let the blonde interrogate him, because he would end up spilling the beans sooner or later. Besides, he had vital information to get from the conversation they were currently having “no. I answered a question, now you answer mine. What do you mean you have been watching me?”

Newt’s mouth tugged up at the corners, not quite forming a smile but with a little humor in the expression nevertheless “sassy now, aren’t we?”  
  
Thomas didn’t flinch. He wanted to know what the blonde had meant when he had said that and he wasn’t going to budge down. Not after his own tiny confession. Not even when Newt’s tiny facial gesture was giving him a heart attack.  
  
The blonde put his hand through his hair, messing it up a little more than it already was, and began speaking, his voice a murmur “Ever since we shared that class...Remember? Administration with the Rat Man? I have sort of been, keeping a tab on you.” And then he went red.   
  
“But... but why? I thought you didn’t know who I was...” Thomas trailed off and looked at his hands, which were fisting into anxious grips on his lap. He had given Newt a little too much information with his last words and he knew it. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut? Also, had the blonde gone red? What was happening here?  
  
“How could I not?” Answered Newt, lifting the brunette’s chin with two fingers and surprising him completely “I remember this one time that that bloody idiot Janson was saying something about how profit was all everyone cared about and you shut him up by saying that if companies continued behaving like that there would be no more world left for anyone, and that you were sure our generation was going to change things. Damn, I swear your spoke my sentiments exactly and well…I figured you and I had something in common so… I looked your way, every now and again”.

Now it was the blonde´s time to look at his hands, as he lowered the one that had been holding Thomas´ face.

“Is that why you thought my name didn´t fit me?”

“Yes. Thomas is suited for the CEO of a company that manipulates children into getting the cure for cancer, but not for someone with… ideals.” Newt sighted “but you don´t like it so, I´ll just call you Thomas”.

The butterflies which appeared to have made the brunette´s stomach their home jumped at the fact that Newt spoke like if they were going to keep on speaking, not going back to being total strangers after this weird night. Which wasn´t quite accurate, he realized, as clearly the blonde had been paying attention to him. Surely not like he had but at least, it was something. They weren´t really foreigners to each other, after all.

“I like it” he whispered then, and Newt raised his head again so that both boys where staring at each other´s eyes. “You can call me Tommy…any time you like”.

The blonde´s answering smile was so big and bright it could rival a thousand suns.

And it was a perfect moment, one that filled Thomas´ heart with hope for the future and the possibilities that may lie before them if he could just show the blonde how very much in love he was with him and then… then Newt´s phone rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´ve never ended a chapter in a cliff hanger. I´m sorry. But it was just the natural progression of the story. The next chapter will be up soon enough, promise. 
> 
> Also, who is calling Newt? You probably already have an idea, right?


	3. And I wanted so much to kiss you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions, kisses, text messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rather long chapter, but I hope its a good one. :)

Startled, the blonde pulled the device out of a hidden pocket in his jacket and his face transformed itself back to the mask of pain and unease he had been sporting when they had driven to Thomas´ house as he saw the caller ID.

“It´s Gally” he whispered and the brunette could see that his eyes were now somehow scared. Something deep inside Thomas twisted agonizingly and before he could think it through he almost shouted “Don´t answer him! Why is he calling you? Didn’t he just say you were done?”.

Newt sagged against Thomas´ mother´s red cushions as he put the phone on top of his right leg, where it continued buzzing until the screen showed the call had gone to voicemail. Just a second later, the voicemail icon was lit up. But the blonde didn´t move an inch to check said message, rather closing his eyes and rubbing them with his fingers.

And then he spoke, but his voice sounded ancient, weary and tired “This is not the first time this happens…or the last one…he always gets like this, drunk and then he does things he doesn´t really mean to and then… then he asks me to forgive him and like the bloody idiot I am I do it, and then…it starts all over again.” He opened his eyes and turned to Thomas, a sad expression on his face “I´m sorry I´m telling you this but heck, apparently everybody knows more about my fucking love life than I do, so I´m sure this comes as no surprise to you…”

Thomas´ chest hurt from the confession. Though he had always felt turmoil towards the ginger, had always known instinctively that the man was bad for Newt, he hadn´t known how bad it actually was before Teresa´s words and now Newt´s revelation. He relished having hit the idiot, and wished with all his strength that he might get another chance to put him in his place, because no, he decided right then and there, and this time fully conscious of it, he wasn´t going to let the blonde get hurt again, if it killed him.

Newt crooked his head to the side, a question clear on his features, since Thomas had said nothing after his admission. So the brunette answered, and his voice betrayed his anger all too clearly, “I didn´t know anything about it…otherwise…”

The blonde straightened from his place in the couch, looking intently at Thomas, and repeated “Otherwise…?”

Thomas felt an uncomfortable twist in his gut that had nothing to do with the punch the engineer had given him. This was his chance right? It was too fast, heck he was probably going to sound like a fool for expressing feelings, any type of them, for someone he had barely talked to and it was undoubtedly going to ruin his chances with this man but he had to say it, he had to or his heart was surely going to break.

“Because otherwise I wouldn´t have let it happen. Damn it Newt! Can´t you see yourself in the mirror? Can´t you hear the words that come out of your mouth? You don´t deserve to be treated like this asshole or Alby ever treated you. You are not like everybody else, you are special and smart and sensitive and thoughtful and you deserve someone that can see that”.

Thomas hadn´t meant for everything to come out, all of his frustration and longing clear on his voice, on every single one of this words. But he had never been very good at talking so here it was, all, out in the open. He watched with fear as Newt´s head lowered, so far down that part of this disheveled hair covered his face.

His tone was wounded when he said, “How do you know I´m all those things you just said? You don’t know me”. His words echoed to perfection what the brunette had told him just half an hour ago, and now it was time for Thomas to make yet another confession.

“I´ve been watching you too. You are not the only one that noticed someone on Rat Man´s class. Or that felt identified with that someone. Or that admired that someone. I remember all too well that time some idiot was making fun of Chuck and you came up with this brilliant argument about narcissism on a capitalist society that shut them all up, and God, I just wanted to kiss you so much for having the balls and the wit to say and do something like that”.

Thomas shut his mouth as he grasped what he had just let slip past his mouth. Now, all truly was out of the bag. And a part of him was thankful because somehow, he felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. He closed his eyes though, absolutely terrified of having to see Newt leave, for he was sure that was what was going to happen.

He felt the blonde´s weight lift off the sofa, but what happened next was not what he had had in mind. A pair of soft lips crashed his own. They were hesitant, a query clear on their movements. Thomas froze for a second, for his mind couldn´t comprehend, couldn’t quite understand what was happening. Part of him thought this was another one of his fantasies and that the blonde had probably left, but another was screaming of happiness, completely fascinated by the sensations filling him. Finally, he had enough presence of mind to kiss the blonde back, and he felt Newt relax under his own ministrations. The kiss was sweet and tender, exploring, filled with longing and yearning, not only from his part, realized the brunette with surprise, but from Newt´s too.

There was no more hurt in his body, as all of his limbs, every one of his cells sang the song _Newt, Newt, Newt_ over and over again. He could have stayed there for the rest of his life and die a happy man. But as with everything good or not so good, the kiss came to end, as both people involved in it were still sadly human and needed to breath.

They both panted for a little while, not touching, their eyes closed, no other sound in the room.

When Thomas opened his eyes though, the smile that had been gracing his features disappeared, as his gaze was met with the sight of the blonde standing up from the coach. Panicking, he stretched his arm as far as it could go, since pain was filling him again, failing to catch Newt. However, he turned around on his own accord and his expression was lost, his eyes unfocused. He mumbled “I´m sorry. I… I shouldn´t have done that…I just broke up with my boyfriend and you are being so kind to me that I… what can you possibly be thinking of me now? Having kissed you not an hour after what happened with Gally…” he shook his head, the blonde tresses covering his profile again “I… I am sorry. It was a mistake…I´m so sorry”.

“No Newt! It was not… don’t say that” but the brunette´s words were lost to the blonde as he had already turned and left. Thomas tried to stand up and go after him but found out that he couldn´t. His stomach hurt him horribly and even the movement to try and rise had made him loose all his air. Or was that from Newt leaving? He couldn´t tell.

With his hands pulling on his hair, the brunette racked his brain for what to do next. Inspiration suddenly hit him as he scrambled around his jacket for his phone, finding it and quickly pressing one of the icons that were displayed in the screen.

His heart was leaping out of his chest as he waited for the call to come through. The voice that greeted him on the other side was clearly hammered, the words slurred a bit “Tom? Are you okay? Is Newt not with you?”

Thomas thanked all the Gods that his friends were still at that awful party and answering their phones, the sound of electronic music in the background giving their location away. He took a breath and tried to sound calm, but knew he hadn´t succeeded the moment words left his mouth “Tessa, its… a long story. Listen, do you have Newt´s phone number?”

Teresa´s voice sounded both hesitant and suspicious as she said, “I´ll send it to you. What´s happening though? Why do you need it now of all times?”

He couldn´t lie to her. They had been friends since grade school, and even if he counted Minho, who he had meet just two years ago clicking instantly with him, as his best friend, this girl had been with him through some of his worst moments. So he went with as close to the truth as he could without being fully honest “I have been better, but don´t worry. Nothing worse than what you saw. I have to go now, don´t get too drunk okay? Thanks. Bye”. He hung up before she could make any more inquiries.

His text tone chirped just 5 seconds later with Newt´s number. He had known for a long time that Teresa had somewhat of a relationship with the blonde and if he ever wanted to get close to him it could be through her, but he had never tried it. She had even offered it to him outright, several times in fact, but Thomas had refused her, his belief that Newt didn´t even know who he was cemented in his mind. Now that he understood otherwise though, he felt like an idiot. He had had the chance to get to him before this whole debacle, and do things right, and he had not taken it, because of plain good old fear of being rejected. He had preferred to see the blonde from afar, than have the courage to take a chance and pursue him. It has been a mistake yes, and one he was not planning to repeat this time around.

So with shaking fingers he saved Newt´s number and pressed the button to call him. He stood on the line for several minutes but no one picked up. Apprehension filled him. Was the blonde not answering because he suspected it was him? He didn´t have his phone number right? How could he? But then again there had been so many things he had thought not possible just some hours ago, like the Brit kissing him, that Thomas didn´t know what could happen or not anymore. The sudden realization that the blonde might think that the one calling him was Gally hit the brunette and he lowered his phone, ending the call. A text would have to do then, he decided. He would have to see it at a point or another, and whether he replied to him or not, he would have gotten his point across, which was everything he wanted now.

He wrote the damn thing about a thousand times, trying to make Newt understand how he felt without giving too much away. Even though he had already done so, he recognized, after telling him he wanted to kiss him and then doing so. So, in the end, he settled for:

_I don’t think what you did was a mistake. I wanted it. And I think you wanted it too. I am here if you need to talk, or anything really. Also, I could never think badly of you, if I tried. You don´t have to do this alone. Thomas._

He got as comfortable as he could in his living room, holding the ice pack to his side and fell asleep, watching his phone intently, receiving nothing all through the night.

\----------------------------------------

“What are you doing sleeping here?”

Thomas woke up startled, to his mother shaking his shoulder slightly. It took him only a moment to remember everything that had happened the night before and why his gut hurt him so badly. He checked his phone but saw, with disappointment and sadness, that Newt had not answered him. So he turned to his mom and said “I couldn´t get up the stairs on my own because a guy punched me”.

His mother was at his side in an instant, pushing his t-shirt upwards and taking a look. The brunette let her. She was a nurse after all. She tsk her tongue but didn´t look too concerned, which put Thomas at ease.

“Superficial damage, you just need a few pain killers and you will be fine in a couple of days.” She made it for the bathroom, where they kept all the medical supplies, and returned with a glass of water and a couple of blue pills, which the brunette gulped down gratefully.

Arching an eyebrow and taking a seat where Newt had been just a few hours earlier, she said, her voice even “And why did this guy punch you?”

Thomas and his mother had a very good relationship. Ever since his dad had left them it had only been she and the brunette against the world, him being an only child and all, and because of that they had always trusted each other, been honest with each other, been each other´s back up. When it came to it really, for Thomas his mom was more of a friend than anything else.

So he knew she understood when he told her “Gally was hurting Newt mom…and I… just had to do something”.

His mother didn’t change her stance “Gally did this to you because you protected Newt?”

Thomas nodded, and then he was in his mother´s arms, receiving a big hug.

“Ouch mom, stop, it hurts” he managed to say as his mother released him, giving him a big smile. “That´s my boy. Standing up for the people he loves! And what did Newt have to say to that?”

The brunette considered telling her the truth, but just as he was thinking of the words he was going to use to omit the kiss from the tale his phone chirped. Thomas forgot all about his mom at that point and grabbed the technological contraption from the coach, where it was currently laying at his side, and powered on the screen to see:

_How are you feeling?_

Newt hadn´t signed but since he had his number now safely saved on his phone he knew the message was from him. Relief flooded him. His mom had seen the scene in front of her and like the good person she was, had given her son a moment of privacy and had gone to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Thomas fumbled with his words for a moment, before answering:

_Like a bus hit me. You?_

The pills his mom had given him were quick in their effect and the brunette found he could move easier, standing up and going to help her, leaving his phone on the living room table. Because of how nervous he was, how much he wanted Newt to answer him and how much he knew was at stake here (his whole relationship with the blonde to put it lightly) he found out this morning he couldn´t just sit there and wait for a message to arrive. He would go mad with anxiety. So doing something was his alternative.

It took 10 excruciatingly long minutes for Newt´s reply to arrive:

_Have been better. Gally has been calling._

That was an incredibly ambiguous message thought Thomas, because it didn´t reveal if the blonde had answered him or not. The brunette figured that the moment Newt took Gally´s call he would go back to him and then, his chances with him, as well as the safety of the blonde would go out the window. And he couldn´t let happen. Not after tasting Newt´s lips on his, or knowing he had an interest in him. He had been enough of a coward already. So he gulped down his fear and wrote:

_Let´s go get coffee. Or tea, if your British sensibility compels you to. If we can talk, maybe I can help you figure things out._

Another 10 minutes, almost to the second, until the reply reached Thomas´ phone:

_I am not sure it wise for me to see you. Not after what happened yesterday between us._

The brunette didn´t know if he should be elated or worried out of his mind by Newt´s comment. Did that mean he wouldn´t see him now, for fear of kissing him again? Did that mean he wanted to kiss him again and wouldn´t? Couldn´t? Or maybe that he regretted it too much? By the way the blonde had indeed kissed him, hesitant at first but then with tenderness and yearning, it certainly didn´t seem like it was something he didn´t want. Thomas was so confused he felt his head begin to pound. The only thing he knew for sure was that he needed to see the Brit again, alone, whatever happened.

It wasn´t intentional, but it took him the best part of ten minutes to write a response that he felt he could send:

_We have to talk. And not only because of what happened yesterday between us, but also because of it. I want to help you. Don´t leave me hanging._

By now, Thomas and his mother were already having breakfast. Lily had made pancakes, since she had sensed his son could use the comfort food. Bless her soul, she had opened a book and began readying, giving Thomas the space he needed in this rather tumultuous morning of his life.

10 minutes more of the brunette eating his food and sipping on his coffee and then:

_Randy´s coffee house. You know it? 12pm._

Thomas released the sight he didn´t know he was holding and typed immediately:

_See you there_.

He turned to look at his mom now, who peaked at him from behind her book “Why so happy all of a sudden?”

“Mom, can I go out at 12pm?” Thomas winced at the way his voice sounded, so full of anxiety and anticipation. But Lily didn´t comment on it, and he knew she had noticed. She was his mom after all and knew him like the back of her hand.

“Are you going to see Newt?”

Afraid of his tone giving him away again, the brunette only nodded.

“Of course you can. Just don’t get punched again, please”.

Thomas could only roll his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What lays waiting in the confines of Randy´s Coffee House? Stay tunned.


	4. 11:50 am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it hurt him, it literally pained him to know what had happened to the man in front of him.

When Thomas arrived to Randy’s coffee house, at exactly 11:50am, he was surprised to see that Newt was already there, sitting in a booth by the window, a cup of tea (English sensibilities, after all) in his hands, looking out. He noticed there were dark circles under his eyes, which hadn´t been there just a night before. Of course he hadn´t slept.

As the brunette approached, Newt said, without moving an inch “Hi Tommy” and his voice sounded strained. Thomas couldn´t help but smile, if only a little because of the circumstances of course, at the fact that the blonde was still using his pet name. Maybe he hadn´t spoken to Gally. Maybe he still had a chance.

“Hey” he answered, uneasy, taking a sit in front of him. A female waiter in her 40s came to pick his order, and after asking for coffee, he settled to look at his lap. Neither of them spoke for a while, Newt staring at the street, Thomas completely at a loss of what to do in these circumstances. Finally, and unable to keep it down any longer, the question that had been hunting him came out of his mouth, unfiltered “have you talked to Gally?”

Newt moved to face him and the brunette could see clearly just how tired he looked. His eyes were a little puffy, a little red. Had he been crying? Thomas´ heart shrieked at the thought. This was just so wrong. Newt deserved so much better than to be going through this turmoil.

“No. Not yet. Longest it has taken me to forgive him. Maybe it is all your fault” he smiled, but the smile was bitter and sad. Relief flooded Thomas though. It was now or never, he decided, he had to play his cards right to get to Newt. This was when he had to have the guts he had lacked so far.

“Why is it my fault?” he said, looking directly into the blonde´s eyes. Newt couldn´t hold his gaze and turned around again to look out.

He answered quickly enough though “Because you said some things about me last night that keep preventing me from answering my phone”. He took said device from where it had been, in the coach at his side, and tossed it to Thomas. Surely enough, in the screen, there were 15 missed calls from Gally, along with several texts, some that were all made up of CAPS.

“Those are only from this morning. I haven´t read the messages, if you are wondering. I already know what they say though. Probably something along the lines of ´please forgive me, I love you´ to ´you are a horrible person´. Also some insults for good measure”. He bit his lip and despite looking so unhappy Thomas couldn’t help but longingly stare at the way his upper lip pouted out just slightly. He felt an intense craving for those lips, which he had had for only seconds but now missed keenly.

Said loss prompted something inside of him, this frustration and anger for the whole situation before him and suddenly his mouth was erupting into questions, as he gave back the mobile to the Brit “Why do you let him treat you this way? Why do you let him insult you and hurt you and then forgive him? Why did you even see his way in the first place?”

Newt´s eyes found his lap and then he whispered, so low that the brunette almost didn´t hear it “Because I am an idiot”.

Thomas couldn’t bear this, couldn´t bear to see the blonde so sad and then have him blame the whole thing on himself, so he reached and took hold of one of Newt´s hands, which had been around his mug of tea. The blonde looked surprised but let the brunette enclose his digits with his own and rather turned to look at the street again. He was shaking slightly, Thomas noticed, as electricity flowered through his veins at the touch. No matter the circumstances, apparently, he was always going to feel fire when he touched Newt.

“You are not an idiot. Don´t ever say that. You are everything but an idiot. Please, stop blaming yourself for this all. You have a kind, kind heart and one of the sharpest wits I have ever seen. Which is why I just can´t see Gally with you and I´m trying to understand what happened for you to be with him. You must have a reason for letting him do this and that is what I want to know. Why?” Thomas wondered if he was overstepping his boundaries inquiring into Newt´s love life like this, when in theory it was none of his business. But then he realized that it had become his business. From the moment that the blonde had kissed him, he was involved officially, even if he had been from the first moment he had heard him speak in Rat Man´s class.

Newt hesitated, spun his head to face him again, opened his mouth and closed it. He looked in the brink of tears and the brunette had to fight back the urge to go across the table and hug him, comfort him, do something so he wouldn´t look so miserable, to show him all his love and his support. He settled into squeezing his hand in reassurance. It would have to do for now. After what he had said on his text, Thomas didn´t want to do something which would give the blonde an excuse to push him away, in any way. Grabbing his hand had been risk enough and he knew it, but he just couldn´t help himself.

When the blonde finally spoke, his voice trembled “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

Thomas didn´t know if that meant Newt wanted to spare his feelings, since he was about to voice the reason why he had loved Gally in the first place, or if he was asking him if he really wanted to help him. Either way, even if he was sure it was going to hurt, he nodded.

The blonde took a deep breath and then started “He was brilliant at first. Every time we had a chat I learned something new and his perspectives on things were always so out of the ordinary, so strange. It intrigued me so much. And when he asked me out he was so sure of himself. He said he was going to protect me and take care of me and well, I fell for it. At first it was like he promised but then, one night, we had an argument and we have had some beers and… well, I´ll spare you the details. It´s not like I want to remember them myself. After that time… everything went downhill. It was always the same pattern. We couldn’t agree on something, he got angry, and I would end up with bruised ribs or another injury. Every time it happened he came begging for me to take him back. He said he loved me and would change. And I believed him. Time and time again. I don´t know what I was thinking, what I am still thinking, believing him. He tugged at my heartstrings at first, because I loved him, or I thought I did, and I wanted to be with him, but now…. I don´t know, it has sort of become a habit? Maybe I got used to it? Maybe I just wanted him to love me, and not leave me? I guess I just got hooked up on the idea that if him, being such a smart person, loved me…then I wasn´t that bad? he trailed off, putting his free hand through his hair, making it point into different directions, and then continued “Bloody hell, I am just so fucking jaded, why do you even like me?”

The first thing that Thomas took from Newt´s words was that he had talked about loving Gally in past tense. That gave him a little peace of mind, not because it meant he had a chance with the blonde, but because that way it would be easier to convince him to leave the engineer. Since now that was his whole objective, understood the brunette, as he felt the blonde shiver. He wasn´t going to let Newt go back to Gally if it was the last thing he did and it didn´t even matter if the blonde ended up being with him or not. His heart broke repeatedly at different moments of Newt´s speech, his chest painfully tight. As it hurt him, it literally pained him to know what had happened to the man in front of him. That he had let himself be hit, that he had taken an idiot who didn’t love him back several times but mostly, that he had felt that because someone like that asshole like him, he wasn´t _that bad_. It dawned on Thomas that he didn´t know anything about Newt´s background, his family life, and what inner turmoil had made him choose first Alby and then Gally as his partners. Because those weren´t very healthy romantic choices, if he was allowed to say that. First a serial cheater and then an aggressive drunk? Also, he had said something about the whole hitting thing having become _a habit_. No, the brunette realized, there was something off in Newt´s boundaries if he could see getting hurt as routine.

His soul ached as he recognized what the picture in front of him presented: Someone who didn´t know what real love actually was, and had let himself be abused while looking for it.

And he felt like a fool, a superficial fool, for having been blinded by jealousy for the two previously mentioned men, instead of having seen that the blonde he had been pinning on for two whole years had actual trouble. He cursed himself for not having to guts to approach him sooner, for not having seen his distress all this time, for focusing only in the fact that he wasn´t with him instead of having seen the human in need behind the leather jacket.

So with full resolve he answered Newt´s inquiry, trying to make him understand the emotions behind his words as best he could: “Because your relationships are not all that you are Newt. Listen, I don´t know whatever made you think that you were bad in the first place, or needed someone like Gally to like you, but from what I know of you, what I have seen in the past two years that I have been keeping an eye on you (Thomas carefully avoided the term _stalking_ ), you are someone who doesn´t let anyone get hurt if he can help it, who protects others. Someone with deep feelings that has empathy and cares for the world. Someone with values. Someone who thinks a little bit deeper than just what colors he likes in his jeans. And I know it might not seem like much but most people don´t think past their mornings Newt. Most people simply care about themselves and what is good for them and that´s that. But you don’t. You give a shit. And that is so far from bad I don´t even know if good covers it. That is amazing. You are amazing”.

Newt met Thomas’ gaze full on and neither of them hesitated as they stared at each other. The brunette knew that he couldn’t falter, couldn’t move, even if his nerves where on high, screaming at him to go and hug the blonde as the expression on his face changed from shame to pain to... love? No, it couldn’t be. Still he looked at Thomas with a certain fondness that made the butterflies in the brunette’s stomach come back alive and do somersaults. But he pushed them into submission since this wasn’t about him, it was about getting Newt to believe in himself, to know he deserved actual, real love, to get him out of Gally’s clutches.  
  
Finally, the blonde turned back to look at the window, and Thomas’ couldn’t help but notice that he was keeping his hand on his and he had stopped trembling. “You have been looking intently Tommy. And don’t think I don’t appreciate your kind, kind words. It’s only that you don’t know much more than what you have seen and well, I’m not as good as you seem to think.”  
  
“No one is” interrupted the brunette, his voice desperate now “we are all human Newt, we all suck at some point or another. We all have demons and bad habits and secrets. It’s what being human is about. There is light and dark inside of us. But that doesn’t mean we deserve to be hurt, or need to be validated by anyone.”  
  
Thomas could see the tiny smile that had crept up Newt’s lips while staring at his profile, as he whispered, seemingly mostly to himself “such an idealist”.  
  
The brunette’s answer came almost as a shout, which startled the blonde enough to make him face him again “no! This is not about idealism, this is about what is wrong and what is right. And letting others hurt you is never right. Please Newt, see this. I don’t know what else to tell you to make you see reason but I will continue to pester your life and rack my brain with ways to make you see that you deserve much more than you give yourself credit for, even if it means you hate me in the end”.  
  
Thomas’ emotions had gotten the best of him again, his desperation to keep the blonde safe making him say much more than he should. And this was not the first time that happened with Newt. The brunette figured he would always end up spilling his guts whenever faced with the man in front of him. Why was he so awful at talking again? He wondered.  
  
Newt’s eyebrows went into his unruly blonde mop of hair and for a moment he didn’t speak. The brunette turned to look at his lap, unable to face the Brit anymore, though their hands remained linked. He waited for the blonde to leave him for the second time in a row but eventually, soft words reached his ears, “You really do like me don’t you?”

There was something in Newt´s words, something that was vulnerable and raw and inviting. Something that made Thomas want to tell him the whole truth of just how much he liked him. And there was this tiny certainty, having had the blonde kiss him just yesterday, that told the brunette that if he told him his not so private secret, it would be all right. Newt liked him back, somehow, that was proven already. And maybe, just maybe, when faced with Thomas´ real feelings, the blonde would see he didn´t have to go back to Gally, that there were more people that liked him, that could help him and protect him. And it honestly wasn´t about smiting Newt. It was about making him see he had options.

To hell with it then. It was time to properly confess.

So he mustered his courage, turned his eyes to look at the mahogany ones in front of him, leaned forward and squeezed the blonde’s hand with his fingers as he said, decidedly “No Newt, I don’t only like you. I’m in love with you”.


	5. A chance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He still wasn´t thinking, didn´t know what he was doing, all his senses going crazy at just how close the blonde was, the texture of his jacket, the shape of his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize the pacing is slow in this fic but I honestly feel it is what the story needs to develop correctly. My characters think and talk too much, like yours truly. 
> 
> Also, it gives us more time for fluff. Like in this chapter. :)
> 
> I still hope you like it.

Newt broke into a smile, which Thomas hadn´t expected. The expression broke through his sad and tired demeanor so that he looked radiant and young. Younger than he was in fact. He looked at him with tender eyes and pulled the brunette´s hand to his lips. The point of contact zoomed and buzzed in Thomas´ skin even after he pulled away. Rendered speechless, the brunette could only look at those perfect lips forming words, not hearing anything, all sounds around him shut off by the blood rushing through his ears.

Finally, a sentence reached his brain “Breathe Tommy, breathe”.

And, as if commanded, he did. He hadn´t realized he was indeed holding his breath and the oxygen felt good as it reached his lungs. What felt best though was the low chuckle that the blonde released, and the fact that he was still there, with him, looking all kinds of happy. His mood had changed so much in the past 3 minutes that Thomas was absolutely sure he had done the right thing by telling him how he felt. If anything, it had made Newt look better than what he had seen of him in the past 24 hours.

“You can´t just drop that and then go fainting on me, eh mate?” said the Brit, his accent heavy. Butterflies again but this time the brunette didn´t try kill them. He was too far-gone into Newt´s smile and the way he seemed to be glowing from the inside to squash his hopes.

No words found him, so he simply squeezed Newt´s hand where it still lay on his own, repeating a gesture he had done far too many times this day but that served as his only physical connection to the blonde. The brunette couldn´t understand how he craved so much to be near this man when he had only shared one simple kiss with him, but then he figured it was all the time he had seen him from afar without being able to touch and now having him so near, so close he could just lean in and… then the blonde´s face grew very serious again and the words he uttered where hushed, like if he was afraid they might be heard by anyone other than them two.

“Look Tommy, I can´t deny, as much as my brain is shouting at me to do right now, that I have developed…some feelings…for you over the past years. Ever since Rat Man´s class I just couldn´t shake you out of my brain and my… my heart and I paid attention to you a little more than I am willing to admit. I asked about you a little more than I should. It seems like I was watching you while you were watching me. Like you stayed late at the uni´s library to catch a glimpse of me as I did of you. You have no idea how much I wish you could have told me something, anything before…” he let go of Thomas´ fingers and the brunette could have cried for how sharply he felt the loss of contact. Newt put his face in his hands and continued talking through them “I didn´t tell you anything because I always thought you didn´t like boys and figured you were dating Teresa for the way in which she spoke of you. Or Brenda, you are always with her. I tried to keep my distance, to not get too near you, if only as self-preservation. I mean I am a masochist but there is a line I am willing to draw at and I felt that if I actually got to know you first hand it would hurt too much when you didn´t want me back. If only I had known I wouldn´t… but there is nothing to it now, is it? What´s done is done and now I´m in this mess with Gally and the last thing I want is to drag you further into it…”

Thomas interrupted Newt before he finished his sentence, causing him to lower his arms to look at him, “I don´t know if you remember but I punched Gally in the face just some hours ago. Still bear the ugly bruises to prove it. I involved myself into this and I don´t plan to leave you alone to fend with that asshole. Hell Newt, I won´t let you. You had had enough of people like that in your life. I simply won´t let you go back to Gally, I already told you, whatever it may cost”.

Desperation tugged at the brunette´s words. He forced himself to not pay too much attention to the blonde saying he had feelings for him and rather concentrate on the problem that the ginger engineer was. He tried to remind himself of the vow he had made with himself earlier, of putting Newt´s well being before his eagerness to be with him. He knew he hadn´t acted completely on it, having told him he was in love with him, but what was he to do? He was only human and in front of him laid the person he wanted the most, entangled on a mess that he wanted desperately to get him out of.

He wondered if his “hero complex” as his mother called it (“always trying to save others, always trying to be selfless even when you don´t have to be” she had told him, one time when he had tried to give all his clothes away to homeless people after watching a particularly depressing documentary on Netflix), was playing with his mind a little too much here. If he could get the blonde to be with him then he would effectively protect him and get him away from Gally. Maybe he could be a little selfish here, and still help the one he wanted to save the most?

He was pushed out of his thoughts by Newt´s lips, twitching into the tiny smile he had given him just some minutes earlier, which stayed there as he spoke, even if his tone was still somewhat apprehensive “stubborn aren´t we?”

“Only with what I care about,” answered Thomas, his expression defiant.

“You do realize that I have a horrible track record with boyfriends, and that Gally himself told you he wasn´t going to forget about what you did to him right?” the blonde paused for a moment but continued, as if unable to stop “bloody hell Tommy, I do understand why you punched him, and it was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me but, why, why did you have to anger him?” he face palmed with such force that the brunette was scared he might have actually hurt himself, before he continued, and his voice was so quick now that Thomas had to pay extra attention to understand what he was saying “He truly won´t forget it. Never does. And if I don´t go back to him then I don´t know how I will protect you. I spent the whole night thinking of a way to get you out of this problem and the only one I could figure out was to go back to him and redirect the blame on me but your sweet words kept keeping me from answering the damn phone and then we saw each other here and now you say you are in love with me, like I have been with you for two fucking years and now… blimey I simply don´t know what to do”.

The brunette couldn’t see the expression of the blonde, for his face was back into his hands. Stunned seemed to be the state that Thomas was going to spend this whole conversation in, since he was finding himself without a clue of what to say, again. His mind raced through Newt´s words. He was contemplating going back with Gally only to save him of retaliation from the ginger? He had spent the night trying to think of a way to protect…him? Wait, did he just say…he was in love with him? Outright? Because one thing was hinting he had feelings for him but admitting it completely, with all the words and the weight they carried, was another completely.

He found he couldn´t push the blonde´s words away from his mind, or his heart for that matter, anymore. He couldn´t ignore them. They seemed to have formed a loop into his train of thought, nestling between his ribs, into the farthermost corner of his heart, which beat with the knowledge over and over again.

And it was simply too much for Thomas to bear. He found he couldn’t be so physically away from Newt anymore, for all he had tried, and somehow he knew, after all they had talked, that he wasn´t going to get away from him. His body took over then, fulfilling his needs, and in a couple of swift motions he had stood up and moved in front of the Brit, whose face continued to be sheltered by his big fingers. He peaked up with one eye from under his hands to see the brunette waiting for him, and then turned so that his legs were hanging off the coach sideways and they were facing each other. Thomas stretched his arms then without hesitation and put them around his shoulders, pulling him close. At first Newt let himself be hugged, nuzzling his face closer to the lower part of the brunette´s chest, where he was leveled given the fact that one of them was standing and the other was sitting. After about 2 minutes of bliss though, the blonde pulled back, mumbling “Don´t do this to me Tommy, can´t you see I´m trying to resist you here? And obviously failing, since you stand in front of me and I turn so you can hold me, bloody weakling that I am. Can´t you see I´m trying with all my might not to give in to this pull inside my body that drags me towards you, that has wanted this for so long?”

Thomas searched for Newt´s eyes with his own and found a pained expression painted on his features. He looked desperate and vulnerable, which was about the same the brunette was feeling, if you added joy into the mix. He still wasn´t thinking, didn´t know what he was doing, all his senses going crazy at just how close the blonde was, the texture of his jacket, the shape of his shoulders. He couldn´t properly process all that he was feeling, all the things Newt´s words were doing to his sanity. Solely on instinct, he did what he felt was right at the moment, and pulled the blonde back into his embrace, which he resisted for about 3 seconds before giving into. The brunette surprised himself by talking, and his voice was low as he said, “Why are you resisting this? If you feel it in your body as I feel it in mine, if you feel this way… towards me and I feel it for you, then why don´t you want it?”

The blonde´s voice was muffled by the fact that his mouth was pressed against Thomas´ chest as he answered, “I want it. I want you. But the timing and Gally and damn it, you are so amazing and I´m sure I´m going to mess this up before we even start it properly, if we do and…”

“We will figure Gally out okay? We will think of something, I will think of something. I mean I have Minho and maybe he can beat him up, or be our bodyguard?” Newt let out a grunt and Thomas knew enough to back away from the bad joke he had made to dissipate the tension “Just kidding. What I mean is, please Newt, don´t push me away. Not for that idiot, not for protecting me. Don’t kiss me and tell me you are in love with me and then expect me to go back to live my life because I can´t, not knowing that. And don’t you think for a minute there is something in you that is going to ruin anything. How many times do I have to tell you that you are incredible? Give us a chance, give me a chance to prove to you that things can be different.” The brunette was almost pleading but he didn´t care. Since his brain was still failing to comprehend anything that was currently going on, everything he did and said was coming straight from his heart, from his very soul.

Newt didn´t speak but put his own arms around Thomas waist, bringing him a little closer. The waitress came by with the brunette´s coffee, leaving it on the table as she looked at the two boys hugging with raised eyebrows, before turning away, leaving without a word. Thankfully, the blonde didn´t seem to have noticed, his face still buried in Thomas´ body. After what seemed like both seconds and years, the longest but sweetest time of Thomas´ life, Newt´s head moved up and down.

He was nodding.

The brunette freed one of his arms to put two of his fingers under the blonde´s chin, raising it. What Thomas saw in the blonde´s gaze was not only love, which was there and alone could have made the brunette feel the luckiest man on earth, but hope.

“You are giving me a chance then?” Thomas whispered.

“I´m giving us a chance, yes” sighted Newt back.


	6. Jealous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was not only that they had started talking just yesterday but that he had dated absolutely no one since he had first seen the blonde and fallen head over heels in love with him. Newt, on the other hand, had ended up with two different idiots on his record, one that still loomed dangerously over them. If someone could feel jealous, had the right to be jealous, was him.

Reluctantly, because he really didn’t want to let go of Newt at all, ever if possible, Thomas released his hold on the blonde and went back to sit across from him, warm gaze following him.  
  
Those brown eyes looked at him intently now, and there was such a big change in them, and the atmosphere around them in general, that the brunette found he could breathe easier.Where pain and sadness had been, mixed with mortification and caution, now lay sincerity, softness and joy.  
  
They looked at each other for a moment, both basking in the strange change in their faiths, before they erupted, almost at the same time, into giggles.  
  
And they were relief giggles, realized Thomas, seeping the tension from the last half an hour from their bodies.  
  
As they calmed down, Newt said, his voice still filled with mirth “so what now?”  
  
The brunette took a second to think about it, tapping his chin with his fingers. They still had to figure out what was going to happen with the whole Gally thing and despite the fact that he was concerned about it, he didn’t want to ruin the moment they were sharing with the problem that that man was. He knew that the blonde was thinking the same thing that he was and exactly because of it, he didn’t want to touch the subject. Instead, he decided to indulge himself with something he had wanted to do for some time. Something he was free to do now having Newt in front of him and being able to actually talk to him.  
  
He gave himself another minute just to enjoy the fact that the Brit was here, close enough to touch.

“What?” Said the blonde after Thomas failed to answer for a while. He stretched his hand and grabbed the brunette’s free fingers in his, giving them a gentle squeeze and smiling. Thomas felt his pet butterflies do a backflip in his stomach.  
  
“It’s just that I... I want to know everything. Everything about you I mean. I know what I could ask around without seeming too creepy (Newt laughed at this), so I know about Sonya and your Musical Studies degree and that you play the base and violin. But I want to know more. I want to know every single possible thing I can about you. I want to know how you take your tea and which is your favorite flavor. I want to know if you ever drink coffee. What are you favorite foods? What was your childhood like? When did you move to the US? I want to know all”.  
  
The blonde blushed a light shade of pink at the interrogation and turned to look at the street again, like he had countless of times in this conversation, whenever he felt uncomfortable with something. Or that was what the brunette understood from the gesture, given when and how he had done it through out the morning. After a pause he murmured, “how do you know about Sonya?”  
  
Thomas shrugged a little “Teresa told me. She told me most things I know actually, since our circles really don’t mix that much. Me a science geek, you a cool musician”.  
  
Newt let out a snort at this and faced the other boy, his tone unexpectedly sober as he said “And Mr. Science geek what is your relationship with Teresa if she is not your girlfriend then? She failed to tell me as she spoke about you almost all the time I ever spent with her”.  
  
It was Thomas who turned red now “That was... well my fault. She was probably trying to put a good word in for me with you since she knew I... have fancied you for a while”.  
  
A perfect blonde eyebrow went up at this piece of information as it’s owner said, his voice the same level of serious as before “you still haven’t told me what your relationship with her is”.  
  
“That jealous huh?” Said Thomas before he could help himself. But to his surprise Newt didn’t try to deny it. He just answered a simple yes.  
  
Suddenly weak in the knees and thanking the Gods he was sitting down, or else his legs might have dropped him right that second, he stammered “she is my childhood friend. Our mothers used to work at the same hospital, as nurses when we were kids, so we always stayed together the nights with the same nanny, to save money you know? Both my dad and hers left when we were almost babies so our mothers kind of banded together and well, we have been tight ever since. She is gay though, I’m not sure if you know? She is pretty open about it”.  
  
Newt’s mouth opened and closed without uttering a word and then managed a “I didn’t know”.  
  
“Yeah” continued the brunette, not worried in the sightless about divulging this somewhat personal piece of information about his friend. He knew just how honest she was with this subject and now wondered how much Newt and her had actually shared if he didn’t know this about her “And I’m pretty sure she is very much in love with Brenda, so you don’t have to worry about her either”.  
  
The brunette remembered the blonde mentioning the brunette girl as another one of his possible “girlfriends” in his rant a little earlier and wanted to cover all the bases, making sure Newt understood he was the only one he wanted.  
  
“And Minho, well I know he is as straight as a line gets, considering he has already gone through half of my female classmates if not more. So I don’t have to worry about him”. Said Newt, sounding as if he was mostly talking to himself and biting his lower lip.  
  
Thomas let out a chuckle. He couldn’t believe his ears. It was not only that they had started talking just yesterday but that he had dated absolutely no one since he had first seen the blonde and fallen head over heels in love with him. Newt, on the other hand, had ended up with two different idiots on his record, one that still loomed dangerously over them.  
  
If someone could feel jealous, had the right to be jealous, was him.  
  
“What?” Said the Brit for the second time in a short while, shaking his free hand a bit in the air as a sign of questioning.

“I’m sorry you know Minho only because of his reputation. He is a good shank. He truly is. You will like him. Once you get to know him”. Thomas had wanted to comment on Newt´s possessive attitude when they hadn’t even together (were they a couple? The brunette found he didn’t really know) for more than 5 minutes but decided against it at the last second, knowing he had just won the favor of said man and not wanting to backtrack all the progress they had made so far.  
  
“I’m sure,” answered Newt, sounding a little skeptical, but plastering an easy smile on his face anyways.  
  
It took the brunette a second to get past the way the blonde’s features arranged themselves when he was happy, which tugged at his heartstrings, to realize he hadn’t acknowledged his quarries “Is you avoiding my questions with questions of your own going to become a thing with us?”.  
  
Newt’s light turned off in an instant and his gaze lowered. Thomas, both surprised and afraid by the blonde’s reaction at his words, gave him a gentle tug on the hand and said, his voice soft “hey, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, I just wanted to learn all the things I could never ask about openly but always wanted to know. And now I have the source in front of me so...”  
  
Newt shook his head slightly and lifted his head, a smile on his lips. But Thomas could tell it was forced, for it didn’t reach his eyes, which were shaded with pain again. A realization crossed the brunette’s mind. He had wondered before what had happened to the blonde to make him choose such horrid people as his mates and now it hit him that perhaps his explanation lay in Newt’s childhood, since that was the most intimate question he had asked him, his other inquiries nosey at best. It was the only thing he could see him not wanting to answer. He grasped just then that the hurt in the blonde’s gaze right now mirrored the one that had been there every time they spoke of Gally. There was defiantly weird something there.  
  
“Earl Grey is my favorite. I know it’s cliché but honest to God it is. My second favorite is mint, which I take after 5pm or the caffeine ruins my sleep. I have enough trouble sleeping already. So that’s why I don’t drink coffee. The only thing I put in my tea, that yes, is the only thing I drink, sue me, is honey. A spoonful. No matter the size of the cup. Chocolate is my favorite food but I can eat about anything Italian and be happy. I moved here when I was 15, so just 5 years ago and I don’t want to talk about my childhood”.  
  
The last sentence had come with such finality from the blonde’s lips that Thomas knew for sure that there was where the key to Newt´s troubles lay. Since it was such a delicate topic however, and one that obviously caused the blonde distress, the brunette decided to dwell into it when they had grown to trust each other more. So he said “You don’t have to. Just know I’m here okay? What I said in my text earlier was real. I meant it. I am here for anything you need. If you want to talk about it or anything. I’m here. For you”.  
  
Newt’s smile was honest this time, though sadness still tinted his eyes. “What about you though? I want to discover everything I can about you as well. I too know something, because I did venture into creepy territory when researching about you. I know you are an only child and that your degree is in Physics. I know you won your science fair three years in a row in high school and that is the reason you have a full scholarship now. I know you love Gears of War and H.P. Lovecraft and apparently worship at the altar of coffee, but I want more. The things you can tell me and… what experience will show me”.

And then the blonde smirked.

Thomas gulped, his heart hammering at his chest. Newt had indeed done his research. He wondered vaguely where had he gotten so much information since there were things in his words that Teresa didn’t know, mostly because she didn’t care to know. Like Gears of War. She always called his and Minho’s video games “their gamey thinguies”.  
  
“How do you know so much?” the brunette flinched inwardly at the way his words had come out, all breathy and flush.  
  
The blonde just chuckled and said, shrugging easily “I have my sources”.  
  
Thomas went beat red but began talking all the same. He figured trust was a two way street and if he trusted on Newt, maybe he would do the same, sooner rather than later.  
  
So he told him about his childhood, which had been bittersweet since he had spent much of it alone or with only Teresa for company since his mother worked long hours to keep their family afloat. He told him how they had had very little but made due. He told him that he had become an honor student as thanks to his mother’s sacrifices and why he had ended up loving science, the universal language to explain the universe.  
  
All along Newt looked at him so fixedly it seemed like he didn’t blink, all his attention focused on the boy in front of him. He nodded and asked interesting questions and laughed when the brunette cracked a joke or two.  
  
Time passed them swiftly and as teacups, coffee and the waitress’ eyebrows came and went, the sun outside became dimmer and dimmer.  
  
They talked and talked, or rather Thomas mostly did, only taking breaks “to go to the loo” or for the brunette to call his mom and tell her he was fine and was coming home “at a point”.  
  
Thomas didn’t fail to notice that Newt hadn’t taken his phone out since he had showed it to him in the morning and that he didn’t seem to have to report himself to anyone, which was odd, considering that even Minho, who was the coolest of cool, had to call his parents now and again and tell them where he was.  
  
Finally, Newt looked down at his watch and sighted, saying, “it looks like it’s time for me to go”.  
  
Thomas free hand shot up to grab the blonde’s lower arm “But we haven’t eaten anything yet and it’s only 7pm. Aren’t you hungry? We could grab a bite. I am hungry”. The brunette could appreciate the tinge of agony on his words, the way he sounded like he was grasping at the seems to figure out a way to stay with Newt, and he prayed that his distress wasn’t as clear to the blonde as it was to himself.  
  
But the later only smiled his sad, tired smile from earlier and said flatly “I will get into trouble if I don’t leave now.”  
  
Thomas understood even if he didn’t actually know the story behind the Brit’s words. He instinctively comprehended that what Newt meant by “getting into trouble” somehow involved him getting hurt and since he wanted everything but that, he asked the waitress for the check and paid it when it arrived. The blonde argued a little over it but the brunette shut him up by telling him that it counted as their first official date.  
  
Newt muttered “next one’s on me then” under his breath as he stood up and followed Thomas out of Randy’s Coffee House, their hands still linked, even after 7 hours of doing so.  
  
They stood outside of said place a little awkwardly. They had let go and were just a few centimeters away from each other, both hovering but not touching. The brunette’s mind kept coming to the ginger engineer who had punched him just some hours ago and the possibility of Newt going back to him. Which, reasonably and given the last hours they had spent together, seemed highly improbable. Yet again, the blonde had said he had wanted to go back to Gally to protect him so...  
  
“Promise me you won’t answer Gally, or go back to him to protect me or whatever. Please”.  
  
The blonde scratched his boots against the pavement and looked down, his hands in his pockets.  
  
“What are we doing about him then?”  
  
Thomas thought about it for a second as a crazy idea surged his mind “Do you trust me?”  
  
Newt’s answer was quick and precise “yes, but not with this. You are probably coming up with a scheme that keeps me safe but puts you in a vulnerable position and I am not going to do anything” he lifted up his face, grabbing the brunette´s jaw with his fingers with a little more force than was necessary “anything that puts you in danger, get it?”  
  
The brunette blinked in surprise at the strength of the blonde’s reaction and what he saw in his eyes: rage. It took him a second to recuperate and say, “I’m not going to do something reckless. Give me some credit here. I know who we are dealing with and I don’t want another punch either, thank you very much. Just trust me, I will put it together and then let you in on it and you can be the judge. See if you are comfortable with it”.  
  
“You don’t know who you are dealing with” the blonde muttered and took his hand away from Thomas’ face, his fingers going instead to brush his ribs on the right side. The brunette wondered if he was caressing an old wound and his heart split in two.  
  
Closing the short distance between them, Thomas put his arms around Newt, his hands making little circles into the Brit´s back through his leather jacket. All the fight left the blonde at the moment, as he relaxed and rested his chin on the brunette’s shoulder. He put his own two arms around the younger boy’s waist.  
  
One long moment and then a heavy English accent cut through “I really should go”.  
  
Thomas pulled away reluctantly for the second time in the day, if only a little bit, and hesitantly pressed his lips to Newt’s soft ones, wondering for a moment if he was allowed to do this. And he was, apparently, for the blonde answered in kind. The kiss was chaste and sweet, mouths moving tenderly to one another, speaking of repressed desires and promises for the future.  
  
The blonde then mumbled against the brunette’s lips “let me go”, to which Thomas responded “never”, but took a step back nevertheless, finally separating their bodies.  
  
Newt lowered his head, his bangs covering his eyes as he said, his tone sorrowful “Bye Tommy”, leaving the brunette feeling empty, worried, confused, but completely full at the same time.


	7. Panic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas plans how to get rid of Gally, but Newt isn´t into it one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I`m sorry it took me longer than usual to upload a chapter but life got in the way. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

“You have lost your mind? No, really shank. I always knew you were a little cuckoo but this confirms your insanity”.  
  
Minho looked at Thomas with disbelieving, wide eyes. He seemed honestly bewildered by the brunette´s idea to save the blonde, which he had just finished explaining to his best friends.  
  
“Tom, I admire your nerve and your intent in getting Gally away from Newt but isn´t this a little extreme?” pitched in Teresa, sitting in the edge of the loveseat which rested in the middle of Thomas´ living room.  
  
“Hey, do any of you actually know how aggressive this guy is? What we hear from him back at the old Mechanics department gives me the creeps. I think what Thomas proposes is the only way to go, if we are to get rid of him” said Brenda, from across the room, grabbing one of the scones the brunette´s mother had laid out for them before heading out to work.  
  
Thomas had summoned up the crew to his house on Sunday morning to share with them his plan to kick Gally out of their lives and get their help to achieve it in the process.  
  
Because if his idea was to succeed, he was going to need all the help he could get. They were going to need all the help they could get, he corrected himself, a little flurry of happiness in his chest. Despite the fact that it was him who had embarked himself on the quest to make sure the blonde was safe, Newt was the centerpiece of this all and he knew that, in one capacity or the another (the fact that he didn’t know what they were started bothering him a little, but he figured it was too little time to push any other title than the “chance” they had given themselves), they were together now.  
  
They were a we.  
  
“You don’t know how scared of him Newt is shanks. Getting Gally kicked out of the school and exposed as the asshole he is is not extreme if you consider what he has done to him.” He added, confident that his scheme was going to work.  
  
Said course of action consisted on getting as many people as he could to testify against Gally to the school’s administration, accusing him of being combative and, if Newt agreed to it, of hitting the blonde.  
  
He was convinced that getting the ginger expelled was the only approach that was harsh enough to make him back away from the Brit entirely without ruining his life too much. He could enroll in a different university and finish his degree, in a place far, far away from them. The reason behind his compassion (in not trying to wreck the idiot’s life as much as possible) was that it was the only scenario he saw Newt going along with. In the end, as much as it pained Thomas to remember it, they had been a couple in love at a point and he was sure the blonde wouldn´t say yes to a tougher strategy that yielded worst, long lasting results for the man he had once been with, like going to the cops for example.  
  
“Shank, are you sure Newt is going to say yes to this? I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m tight with him, but he seemed pretty mortified back at the party that everyone knew about his problem in the first place. This plan practically asks for him to go public with the fact that he was abused. I am not sure he is going to like it very much” intervened Minho, swinging his legs on top of the coffee table.  
  
“The thing is Minho, we all knew it was going on. He is not going public with anything that wasn´t already common knowledge. I mean, I am not a Musical Studies mayor, I’m only in the art department and I knew every time Newt arrived limping or missed class because he was ‘getting over the flu’. Everyone understood that Gally was hurting him in one way or another, but we didn’t do anything about it. I know more than one person that feels guilty as fuck because of it and would like a chance to right this wrong if they could, so I’m sure there will be plenty who would be willing to help with your little idea Tom. We just need to make Newt understand that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that taking the step to out it is actually quite brave and would set a good example for other victims of domestic abuse on campus...” Teresa trailed off; only to add a second later “I still think getting Gally busted like that is a little excessive though. We could be ruining his future”.

Thomas took a deep breath to steady himself before he spoke, because what he was going to say now came from a place deep inside him, in which rage against his oldest friend had been brewing after he had learned she knew about what the blonde was going through and omit to say anything to him. His voice came out completely filled with fury though, despite the fact he had tried to calm himself. “A) I still don’t understand why you didn´t tell me anything before, B) I also don´t get why you didn´t do anything about it, and C) He should have his future ruined after the way he has scarred Newt. I don´t understand you Tessa, one moment you say acknowledging this whole deal would be courageous but then you think the consequences of doing it so would be unreasonable for the perpetrator?”

Brenda visibly flinched at the brunette´s words and Minho suddenly looked very interested in the pictures of Thomas´ childhood hanging on the wall. Many of them featuring Teresa.

The girl in question looked hurt and struggled to speak for a moment. When she did, her words were laced with indignation “I didn´t tell you because I knew you were going to go crazy. Exactly like you did! You went and punched Gally for God´s sake! I didn´t do anything because I thought, stupidly, that it wasn’t my place and I count myself as one of the many who regret not having intervened before.  And yes, I think that Gally is an asshole, but one that needs help and can change if given the opportunity and the right conditions to do so. Getting expelled and the reason behind it will go into his permanent school records and I doubt any university will want to take him after that. We could be turning an asshole into a real threat in the future!”.

“He is a real threat already!” Thomas almost shouted, shooting his hands up in exasperation.

“Okay, okay, calm down people”, said Brenda, standing up and going to sit on the arm of the loveseat where her girlfriend was sitting, hugging her from behind “we are all on the same side and we want to help you Thomas. This handsome woman here is just expressing her concerns, which are actually quite logical I might add” she then pulled a little on Teresa´s shoulder to get her to face her and said “have you thought my dear that by telling the school administration about this they might get him the help he needs while keeping him away from Newt? However harsh it might seem, I think this is the gentle approach. The alternative is taking him directly to the police. Gally is legally an adult after all and for charges like this, he could go to jail. He needs to face consequences for what he did my love, I´m sure you understand and agree with that, and these are really minimal when you take into account that he abused another human being”.

Teresa huffed out a growl “I was just trying to think this through, that´s all. It´s not like I wasn’t going to help you shanks. I´m with you Tom, always, and I will rally all the people I can as soon as you say go” she said, turning around to face the brunette and the Asian.

“Thanks Tessa, that means a lot”, answered Thomas, his tone sincere, though he still felt residual anger towards the girl for not telling him how bad the situation with the blonde had been in the first place. He was sure he wasn’t going to forgive her in a long, long time. Still, it was good to have her on his side and her pull with the art´s department was something that he knew could prove vital in actually getting his plan to work.

Minho however, didn´t look too convinced “It´s lovely that you two closed your fallout as soon as it started but I am not going to do anything till Newt says he is in. Then, you have all my cooperation”.

“I´m going to convince him. It´s going to be fine” answered the brunette immediately.

“Good luck with that lover boy”.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No, absolutely no” said Newt, and there was something in his voice that was broken.

It was Sunday afternoon, just a couple of hours after Minho, Brenda and Teresa had left Thomas´ house. He had called and asked to see the blonde so he could tell him of his plan and convince him of going through with it, and so the Brit had arrived to his doorstep short of 30 minutes later.

Now they are sitting in the brunette´s home couch again, like the first time they had kissed, sitting close enough for their knees to touch slightly, but nothing else. Thomas still didn´t know how to act around Newt. He didn’t know what he as allowed to do, and what he wasn´t, so he had hugged the blonde tightly to him when he had appeared and kissed him chastely, but left it at that. Newt had returned all his gestures but initiated nothing of his own.  
  
He didn´t look right. His eyes puffier than before, his stance defeated, his profile pale. Thomas was actually worried about him but foolishly told him of his agenda nevertheless. Now, seeing his reaction, he could see what a mistake that had been. Damn his rashness, his impulsivity always got the best of him. He realized a little too late that this was not the time to discuss his ideas. The blonde looked like he needed more attention than any plan Thomas could ever come up with, no matter that it was to protect him.  
  
So, changing the topic abruptly, he voiced his concerns with care “Newt, are you okay? You look… livid”  
  
The blonde shook his head “I am fine and I am not the subject right now. What is, is this scheme you have created to deal with Gally.” He moved his hands in the air along with his words, as to emphasize them “Don´t you think I have thought about going to the school board before? Many times, but then the shanks´ chances of doing anything with his life will be ended and he has real talent as an engineer. We can´t do that! Not to mention that I would have to admit to him hitting me and I will rather eat stones than go through more humiliation. It has been bad enough already”.  
  
There was a tremor in his fingers as he waved them and the moment the brunette paid attention, he could see him trembling. Newt was shaking again and Thomas couldn´t stand it. Not once more. So he moved closer to him and, like he had done the day before, put his arms hesitantly around his torso, bringing him near. Newt struggled against the hug, and just like before, eventually gave in, nestling his head on the brunette´s shoulder. There, his agitated breath tickled Thomas´ neck and it would have been pleasurable had it not been honestly troubling.  
  
“What´s wrong Newt? Please, let me help you” implored the brunette, pulling him close enough so that the blonde was practically sitting on his lap.  
  
There was wetness on the collar of his t-shirt followed by silent sobs. Prudence be damned, Thomas grabbed Newt’s legs from the coach and draped them over his own, so that he was properly cradling the Brit, one of his hands on his shoulder, holding him steady, the other soothingly on his knee. Surprisingly enough, the blonde had let him do all this without protesting, trying noticeably to stifle his crying. Which he wasn’t very successful at really.  
  
Thomas hushed into his ear “it’s okay, Newt, it’s okay.”  
  
Between whimpers the blonde disagreed “no, it’s not. I don’t want to hurt Gally but it’s the only way we get out of this in one piece. Bloody hell, I don’t even know why I don’t want to harm him. I never loved him Tommy. I didn’t. I told myself I did because I craved his... protection and wanted desperately to stop thinking of you but now... I just don’t want to hurt anyone...I want all this to be over and just be with you”.  
  
He moved even closer to the brunette, his hands fisting on the fabric of the other boy’s t-shirt, and hiccupped a little. Thomas would have thought it was the most adorable thing in the planet had it not been so distressing to see the man he loved in such disarray.  
  
There was something here which didn’t add up to the brunette though. He understood that the situation with the ginger was difficult and that Newt had been deeply affected by it but he was practically having a fit of terror under his hands, for the way he could feel his heartbeat rage against his own ribs. There was more to this that the blonde was giving away.

And then it hit him, like a bus hits a stray cat.

Newt was actually having a panic attack. He tried to remember all the signs his mother had explained to him, one random afternoon when they were snacking and she was telling him about her job. The blonde´s heart was racing, he was shivering, and his frantic breath had become short gasps from one moment to the other. All the signs that Thomas could account for from the outside were there.

Feeling tension grip his own stomach, the brunette scrambled his brain for what Lily had told him about breaking panic attacks. He grabbed Newt´s shoulders then, pulling him a little away so he could see into his red rimmed eyes and told him, voice firm “Hey, Newt, you are here, you are here with me and you are safe okay? You are safe”.  
  
The blonde eyes went wide at his statement, but he nodded, ever so minutely. He kept shaking everywhere the brunette touched him though. So he continued, “now, breathe with me. Just do as I say, okay?”  
  
And Newt did. He and Thomas both inhaled and exhaled in tandem, the latter making sure to extend every time they breathed out. He looked directly into his eyes and kept a tight grip on his shoulders, giving the Brit something to ground himself into the present moment.

He silently thanked his mother for saving his ass yet another time when after around 5 minutes, the blonde shivered less and less, until he stopped altogether, his breath coming even. He leaned back into the brunette’s side heavily, probably exhausted from the episode he had just had. His face took the space on the crook of Thomas’ neck, where he could feel his long eyelashes as he closed his eyes.  
  
“I’m sorry Tommy” came the ragged apology. “I´m so sorry about this and… it’s just that... I’m so tired and so... scared. I haven’t been able to sleep properly in days...” and then he yawned.  
  
The brunette’s hands, which were back around Newt, stroked his forearm and leg softly. Despite the man’s closeness Thomas couldn’t bring himself to think of anything that wasn’t his well being, his hormones and needs completely ignored. He had been concerned about the blonde before but now he was slightly terrified for him. What could possibly be happening or had happened to him that had him having anxiety so acute that it ended up in breakdowns? It couldn´t just be Gally, right?    
  
He had wanted to wait until Newt told him himself, or at least till they knew their way around each other a little bit better, had cultivated a relationship of mutual trust, before he tried to get real information regarding the blonde´s childhood, but taking into account recent events, he had to know if it was connected to the incident he had just had and quickly. He had to know the cause of it, because he was determined to do something about it, and the only way of doing so in his head, was to know it´s source and eliminate it.  
  
“Newt” he whispered, cutting through the sudden silence that had enveloped them.  
  
No answer came.  
  
“Newt” he cocked his head to the side to see the blonde’s profile. He had drifted off, his mouth slightly opened, his cheeks a little flushed, tear tracks barely visible now. He looked peaceful and so different from the way Thomas had seen him just 5 minutes ago, that relief flooded him.  
  
The man clearly needed sleep and he felt a little smug satisfaction at knowing he had found it by his side, in his arms. A little flame of hope took hold of Thomas´ heart as he recognized that the blonde did trust him, so much so that he had let himself fall into slumber right next to him. So maybe asking him about his past so early into their relationship wouldn’t be that pushy, even when the man had stated outright that he didn´t want to talk about it. Perhaps if he chose his words correctly, the Brit would open up and tell him all he wanted to know.

“You are going to be all right Newt. I will make sure of it.” He murmured into the Brit’s ear, kissing his forehead. He wiggled carefully into a comfortable position on the coach, caressing the man he wanted to protect more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. 

Eventually, he nodded off himself.


	8. Trust.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt finally trusts in Tommy and tells him his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dears, I understand that panic attacks are not usually selective, but I did my research and found that in some cases people only have them alone or in front of whom they trust because those are the only occasions in which they allow themselves to relax enough for panic to sneak up on them. 
> 
> And yes, that works perfectly with my story so I used it.
> 
> Blame the internet. 
> 
> Now, on with the show.

“Tommy… Tommy…”.

Thomas regained consciousness to his name being whispered slowly, tenderly.

He felt warm and fuzzy, in the state between deep slumber and slight awakening, which tugged heavily at his eyes to keep them closed. He didn’t want to wake up. He had been dreaming that Newt was asleep in his arms and the smell of his hair lingered on his nostrils. The brunette didn’t want it to end.

He vaguely noticed his right arm was full of pins and needles, his right leg in a similar state. There was a sweet weight on his side, inhales and exhales hitting his face. They smelled of tea and honey. It took the brunette just a second more to put two and two together, and flutter his eyes open.

“Morning sunshine” whispered Newt, the moment Thomas could focus enough to see him clearly. He looked exactly how Thomas felt, but with an extra little side smile tugging his lips up. His hair was flat on one side (the one that had been pressed against his shoulder, realized the brunette with a wiggle of excitement in his gut) and sticking upwards on the other, his features and body language exuding calmness and serenity. He looked so different from any other time the brunette had seen him. The Brit had always seemed unbearably cool when Thomas had watched him from afar, but since the beginning of their shared closeness, he had gotten to experience the real Newt. The human. And so far the brunette had seen him look miserable, scared and tired, but also happy and joyous. This expression he was wearing right now though, it was completely new. Because it wasn´t cheerfulness or glee exactly, it was quiet vulnerability. Like he had let his walls go down, like he wasn´t trying to be anything but what he was. Like he was comfortable. At ease.

There was something else Thomas noticed in the way the other boy´s body looked though, something he couldn´t quite get his mind around, but it made his heart grow three sizes bigger anyways. It probably showed on his face, for Newt grinned at him, and said, continuing to use a low tone, clearly not wanting to burst the bubble of peace they had around them “What’s that stare for? You look like you finally found the meaning of life”.

The brunette tried to move only to be reminded of the reason his complete right side felt like mush when he couldn´t so much as maneuver his arm free. And then he understood why the position of the blonde`s body had given him such a loving feeling. Newt was still cradled into him, legs on his lap, shoulder-to-shoulder, hip-to-hip, lips only inches away from each other. Just as when they had both fallen asleep. For a minute, they looked at each other and shared breath, neither of them daring to make a move for fear it might ruin the moment. For fear they might have to stand up and stop being so close together, sharing the same space, and go have to face the world alone.

Thomas being Thomas though, was too attracted by the supple lips which his eyes kept going back to and despite himself, in the end he couldn´t resist the temptation and closed the small distance between them, kissing the blonde softly.

The Brit kissed him back, eagerly, and suddenly, it wasn´t such an innocent kiss anymore. It was fierce and needy and from one moment to the other, before either of them could fully realize what they were doing, Newt was lying back on the couch, Thomas flush against him, hands exploring, hips grinding and then… then pain exploded through the brunette’s consciousness, causing him to flinch back and curse under his breath. Gally´s presence could be felt in the room as Thomas went upright and took a sit, catching his breath. His stomach was aching him intensely. He had forgotten for just a minute that he had been hit a couple of days back.

“Shit Tommy, I’m sorry, I forgot” the blonde stood up quickly, disappearing from the brunette’s sight for a second before coming back to him with a glass of water, which he had procured from the kitchen. How he knew where to look for the glasses was beyond Thomas, who took a sip from the clear liquid gratefully. Newt plummeted next to him, a look of regret on his face that made him look very cute considering his hair was in even more disarray than before. He chewed on his lower lip and said, “Got a little bit carried away there, huh mate?”

“A little” answered Thomas his voice rasp from lack of use, taking another gulp of water to hide his chagrin. He didn’t know what upset him most, the fact that they had had to stop something which was clearly going somewhere because of Gally’s actions, which still lingered over them, or that the blonde had called him mate. And it wasn’t the first time it happened either. He had called him that yesterday. Were they just friends, really?

But before his mind could get any more away from him, a phrase said by the Brit brought him back to reality “Okay, let’s do it”.

The brunette didn´t understand for an instant but then the meaning behind the words became clear to him. Newt was agreeing to his plan to get rid of Gally! He spun around to face him so fast that he almost dropped his water and ended up only hurting his injury more. He tried to suppress the hiss that threatened to escape him as he said “Really? How much of the plan do you want to carry out? When can we do it? What made you change your mind?”

“Wow, relax cowboy,” said Newt, laughing softly and putting his hands up “Too many questions, which I am realizing is normal with you Tommy. Finish your water, breathe. Stop making sudden motions. It’s still early, we have time to talk about this. We have to figure it out today anyways, because we have to put this… scheme of yours into action tomorrow, since it’s Monday and unless I skip school, which is not an option, I’m sure I wont be able to avoid Gally for more than a period or two. So there goes your first answer. We have to do it tomorrow, or we will both be in big trouble” and then his expression went serious.

A million more queries rose in the brunette’s mind at his boyfriend´s? mate’s? (he needed to get that sorted out quickly) words but there was one that shined at the forefront of it, glowing like a neon sign in the dark. So he repeated it “What made you change your mind Newt? You were so scared before…what happened”. Thomas hadn`t meant to point at the elephant in the room but it was inevitable. Neither of them had said anything about the Brit’s panic attack yet and though true, they had been busy in each other’s pants, the issue had to be addressed. And sooner rather than later, though the brunette, since it seemed like the blonde was going to face his demons soon and he needed all the information he could get to be able to help the blonde go through it as easily as possible. Hopefully without another panic attack showing it’s ugly face.

Newt´s face went even more serious, swallowing heavily before saying “About that…I’m sorry I just…I hadn´t sleep properly for a while and when that happens I… I get…anxiety attacks. I’m sorry you had to see that. Usually I only have them in front of my sister. My therapist says that I control them enough to only get them alone or in front of her, because I trust her but then…I guess this means I trust you too. And I am not sure that is a good thing”.

“Why is that not a good thing?” Thomas asked, feeling a sting of hurt in his heart at the blonde’s words. And then he slapped his head lightly with his free hand, murmuring, “too many questions, I know”.

The Brit rubbed the place where the brunette had just bumped himself with the back of his fingers before saying “Hey, I never said asking too many question was a bad thing. It is just who you are Tommy and I like it. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by the quantity of them, that’s all, and it might take me a while to answer them, but that doesn’t mean you should stop making them. I will never ask you to change any part of you for me. I want you to feel free to be exactly who you are, always. I want to know you, the real you. Million questions and all”. His fingers slid down from the brunette’s forehead to his cheek, gracing the flesh that stretched over the cheekbone and brushing against it.

Thomas got a little lost in the touch, closing his eyes to savor the gesture. When he opened them again he noticed the openess and softness he had seen before in Newt’s gaze coming back to it. Despite wanting to drown in it, he recognized it as the opening he needed to get his story out of him, from his childhood, his past, whatever had made him get panic attacks and choose Gally and Alby as his partners.

So he took advantage of it.

“Newt, newtie, you need to stop giving me little snippets like that. Why, again, is it a bad thing that you trust me? Why can’t you sleep well? Why is skipping class not an option tomorrow? You have to talk to me” the brunette knew he was making too many questions again, but he didn’t care. Hadn’t the blonde said just minutes ago that it was okay if his curiosity got the best out of him? And this wasn’t just about his inquisitiveness, it was about helping Newt. He was also unnervingly aware that he was pushing the still fragile link between them, knew he was being rough with the blonde after he had just given him an important piece of his truth with the confession of the state of his mental health, but he needed to know this to be there for him and the way he looked right now said he was ready to tell him. So he had to insist. Guilt and fear be dammed, his intentions were honorable and that appeased his mind, somewhat.

The blonde’s hand dropped from his face quickly, as his whole body went very still. For a moment, Thomas’ nerves went on high, concern churning at his insides. Had he pushed too far? Was Newt going to leave him here, like he had the day before, after the fateful kiss that had finally brought them together? But then the Brit spoke and his voice was like sand paper “Do you want the whole story?”

The brunette nodded and said quietly “Please”, staring at Newt’s profile intently.

The man in question stayed silent though, playing idly with a loose string hanging from the coach. After a long time, his eyes cast down, he started talking “remember I told you I moved to the States 5 years ago? Well, I came because my mother lost custody of Sonya and me back in London around that time, and my father had been living here for about 10 years before that. So the department of Child Services in the bloody U.K. Thought it was a great idea to give two kids to a parent that had left them when one was 5 and the other was 3, and move them across the ocean from everything they had ever known. I guess their theory was that it at least beat living with a drug addict and I can’t say I can argue with that logic. So that’s that. My dad doesn’t give two flying fucks about us, as long as we don’t miss our curfew. Keep our grades up. Don’t give him any trouble. If we do though, well, let’s say Gally isn’t the only reason I missed classes this semester.”

And then the blonde laughed, a nervous, high-pitched noise that ripped the insides of Thomas’ stomach to threads. Pain that seemed almost physical gripped him, paralyzing him. He couldn`t move, the only thing echoing in his brain the horrific idea of Newt´s father hitting him. And then Gally doing it more. It was tragic, it was terrible, and wrath that he didn´t know he had in him filled him. He hadn’t expected Newt’s story to be quite so bad, so incredibly unfair. If it wasn`t enough, what he said when he continued made the situation a little bit worse “I can’t sleep because I have anxiety. And not the normal kind. The ‘you need medication to deal with it’ kind. The ‘you get panic attacks because of it’ kind. The fancy psychiatrist daddy paid to ease his conscience said it was because I never feel safe after my ‘traumatic past’. What about my traumatic present? I told her. Of course the reason for that trauma paid her so, she kept her mouth shut.”

The Brit`s hands had gone into white fists at his sides and finally, the brunette could move. His own anger ignored for the moment, he scooted over closer to the Brit and grabbed his hands in his own, opening them and caressing them lightly. He focused on this movement, trying to ease the fury evident in Newt´s actions a little, making that the sole purpose of this life for the moment, else he was sure he was going to explode from all the feelings that filled him right now. Because it wasn’t only hurt or fury, it was like his heart had broken into little pieces that kept breaking over and over again. Brown eyes stared at his actions, and after a few minutes Newt’s shoulders, which had gone up in tension while he spoke, dropped, sighing. 

He continued speaking but his tone was back to a whisper “I have Sonya. And she has me. We’ve always been together in this. I take care of her, she takes care of me. We have been saving money since we moved here and I started working the summers. So that when she comes of age, we can move out of this joint and go somewhere, where we can finally live our lives in peace, on our own terms”.

The blonde sagged against the cushions of the coach, taking his hands out of the brunette’s with the motion, like he was exhausted. And he probably was, at least emotionally, from telling Thomas all of the cruel things that had happened to him. The brunette felt bad for having made the Brit suffer by reliving his past and present to confess his story, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Because now he understood why the man had let the situation with Gally escalate to where it had gotten, his initial reaction when he told him of his plan to get rid of him, his uneasiness at leaving on time the day before, the possessiveness. Everything made sense. Thomas also knew what he was up against now and he realized it wasn’t as easy as self esteem issues (which weren’t simple at all but given the situation, they would have been at least a little more manageable), as he had previously though. Oh no. His adversary was a life of abuse and lack of love. He recognized that being with Newt, aiding him, was not going to be rainbows and butterflies at all. It was going to take work and patience and persistence. It was going to be complicated battling years of anguish, but he surprised himself by not caring. By recognizing that he would rather be with the Brit than any other thing in the world. Even if it got tough, even if it was difficult. Now that he knew what life tasted like with him, he wouldn’t give him up for the world.

The fierce instinct to protect the blonde that had blossomed in his chest the day before grew so large that for a moment Thomas thought it might swallow him whole. He had to take care of Newt, to right all the wrongs in his life, to make him happy. He knew he wasn’t perfect himself, by any means, that he was stubborn and hot headed and sometimes a pain in the ass, but he was a good enough person in the end and if he put his mind to it, his heart to it, he was sure he could be what the Brit needed. He was sure of it. And he was going to begin now.

So he reached out to grab the Brit’s hands from where they had gone to lay on his knees and pulled him into his arms, into a tight hug. For the first time since they had started to talk, after Thomas had hit the ginger engineer, the blonde didn’t struggle against the gesture and rather melted into it, holding the brunette back, murmuring “Me trusting you is bad because I ended up telling you all this, which I hadn’t told anyone before”.

Thomas pulled Newt back a little to see his face clearly, while keeping his hands on his biceps “Not even Gally or Alby?” The blonde shook his head.

“Aris (whom the brunette knew to be the Brit’s best friend from stalking him constantly)?”

“No. No one, other than my stupid therapist and my sister”. Newt’s face was composed into an impassive expression but his hands had come up to take their rightful place on Thomas’ shoulders, gripping them like he was holding onto dear life, giving away the tension he felt.

“You do trust me,” whispered the brunette under his breath, shocked at the fact that the blonde had never said anything about this burden he carried to anyone else but him. Not even the people he was dating, supposedly loving. He had kept it all inside, somehow.

“I fell asleep on your lap after having a panic attack in front of you Tommy, I don’t think it gets any more trusting than that. I feel sex won’t be as shocking now. With you knowing all my darkest secrets and all. Still not a good thing though” And there it was, the sarcasm for which Newt was known around campus. Thomas hadn’t seen it first hand in all the time they had been together recently and in the light of today’s events he now recognized it as a defense mechanism.

Despite knowing this, the comment still raised heat into his cheeks, which he fought against valiantly, trying to remain serious. To keep his train of thought intact he answered, “I can’t think of a better thing than you trusting me”.

“Because we haven’t had sex yet”.

Thomas could only laugh, despite the fact that his chest still ached from everything he had found about recently. He brought the blonde back to his arms tightly, trying to hug all the pain that was clear in his eyes even when he made jokes away from them and knowing, deep inside him, that he was failing miserably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this chapter has the conversations going different places all at once but, pay attention the next time you are talking with someone, because going from one topic to the other and then coming back to the first one is what humans do when they chat by nature. And I wanted to reflect that. Especially because Newt is a mess of nerves all through this particular moment with Thomas.


End file.
